thingymabob
Most households have a box/tray/dish full of thingymabobs like this. Have a look next time you visit a friend - the contents can be quite revealing.
1. The red marker pen.
Call me obsessive, but I’m an assiduous observer of sell-by dates. Every jar, bottle or tub of foodstuff in the fridge is marked with a date. That way, you always know when the item has gone over and you can aim to use it in time. No waste, no food poisoning.
2. The spangle-tangle
When I gave up smoking (about ten years ago) I carried this around to give my twitchy fingers something to play with when I craved a cigarette. For a while afterwards I kept it in my handbag for those eye-rolling moments in department meetings when I would otherwise have started eating my own arm. How it ended up on that dish in the kitchen I don’t know, but there’s something faintly reassuring about seeing it there.
3. The bird ‘flu mask
This is one of the bunker supplies. Don’t ask. It actually came in handy one day when I was hoovering the office carpet and - whoosh! - clang! - what on earth was that? An irreplaceable motorcycle part? A vital electrical component without which the entire household computer network would cease to function? A stray but priceless collectable? Great. Nothing for it but to cut open the dust bag and rake through the contents.
4. The black ‘n’ white cat
We had a cat when we first moved here, but sadly his love of raw rabbit meat led him across the road one time too often. The stars were misaligned that day and he is no more. One Christmas I asked J what he wanted. A kitten, he said. This stocking filler gift was an attempt at compromise.
5. The champagne cork
(10th wedding anniversary.)
6. The pedometer/calorie counter
I collected the vouchers from a cereal packet and sent off for this item. Fool. What was I thinking of? It was so complicated to operate I’ve never worn it, but I harbour the delusion that one day I will. One day I will read that leaflet, work out how to set the damn thing and put the calculations to good calorie burning use. I will. I’ll go jogging. Or something.
7. Post-It notes
My family just love it when I leave these stuck around the place. ‘Lock up’, ‘Feed dog’, ‘Back at 2′.
Libster Lobster
Labster Lee,
Living in
The deep blue sea.
Libster Lobster
Where are you?
Gone to lunch
( - Back at two).
Lobster from The Little Pot Boiler by Spike Milligan: 1963.
[Drawing by the author.]
8. Nail varnish
A glimmer of feminine glamour among the domestic junk. I think it helps me keep the faith, even if it is more sacrament than serviceable.
…………………………………………….
So. You get the picture.
These objects have in common that they are all either garishly packaged, or brightly coloured, or made of plastic. They ‘don’t go’ anywhere else; they pose difficult questions. Eat me? Keep me?
Store, or throw away? Useful, or junk? Souvenir, or bit of old rubbish? Leave to hand, or tidy away?
Binary options, you would’ve thought. But what to do?
Defer.
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